Amnesia: Obsession
by Bayanette Winters
Summary: Oneshot. In the middle of a storm, Toma picks you up to make sure you're safe. But something seems a little bit off. What's up with Toma? ReaderXToma.


Shin and Toma follow you outside of the college campus. They chat amongst themselves as you trail in the back, staring up at the sky. The clouds are a deep gray, giving you an uneasy feeling-and not just because you have forgotten your umbrella.

Toma turns around to look at you. "You ok?" He asks, his gorgeous eyes filling with concern. For a moment, you get lost in their colors; his eyes are mostly orange, but a little circle of green surrounds the pupil. They are strange and beautiful all at the same time, and are a good contrast to his yellow-and-orange locks.

Shin stops to look at you, too. His eyes seem more stern, their shade like fire surrounding a small blue lake. His messy black hair is strung sloppily over his eyebrows as he gives you a look of annoyance.

"Getting tired already?" He teases. "We haven't even left the campus yet. You're so out of shape."

You frown at Shin, stomping a foot on the ground. "I'm not lazy! I'm just thinking."

"About what?" Toma fell to your side as you all started walking again. Shin paces a few steps ahead.

"Nothing," you insist. It has to be nothing…yet you can't shake this feeling that something big is about to happen.

…. ….

You get home at last, writing in your diary about your feelings from earlier. You'd been talking to Kento these last few weeks about how you really felt about your closest friend. His logical thought process wasn't exactly the kind of emotional encouragement you needed to express yourself, but he was supportive about your plans to tell the one you love how you feel. He'd been very helpful recently, but now it'd be up to you to come up with the perfect plan to share your feelings.

You put in another entry when the light above you suddenly burst. Glass pieces shattered around you and your papers. You squeal as the entire apartment's had a power outage. You go through the entire house, flipping all of the light switches as you attempt to gain some kind of florescent comfort in you suddenly empty home. But nothing comes.

A knock pounds at your door and you rush to it like a lifeline. Someone's hear! Your heart screams. Inside, you just want someone to save you-the dark is something that you hate dwelling in when you're alone. You throw the door open and sigh when you see Toma in the doorway.

"Hey," you breathe out. He takes your hand, barely even seeing you with his peculiar eyes.

"It's not safe to be here on your own," he tells you. "Come to my apartment. I'll be able to protect you there."

You would go anywhere that the self-proclaimed "big brother" asks of you, and right now, his warm home seems much more inviting than yours. You grab a few things from your drawers and follow him into the wailing storm outside.

…. ….

Toma's apartment is very tidy-almost _too _tidy except for the research papers scattered around the tables. Toma tries to clean them up.

"Sorry about this," he mumbles. "As soon as the power went out over here, I immediately rushed over to your apartment." The lights don't work in his place, either, but his mature voice offers you immense comfort. He lets you change out of your wet clothes in his bathroom and then allows you to stake claim to his bed.

"Thank you," you tell him over tea he made with a few battery-powered appliances. "I was getting a bit freaked out when I realized that the storm had knocked all of the power out." Toma gives you a kind smile-the ones that he used to give you when you'd cry as a child.

"It's no trouble," he said. He stretches his arms above his head, his black-and-orange striped long sleeve dripping a bit of water as its folds release. He gives a sigh and meets your eyes again. "I was thinking that you'd get scared. You always hated being in the dark as a kid."

"Yeah…" You reminisce for a moment on how small and warm his arms were when he'd hug you in black abysses as children. It all seems like just yesterday when you were two rascals playing around in old houses and caves, but really, it was a lifetime ago….

You both sit in silence for a while as the storm progresses. By the way it's going now, neither of you will be leaving to the outside world for some time. You absently look out the window as the rain smears your vision of the failed city lights. Toma mentions that some sort of broadcast went on the radio a while before the storm really hit that told everyone to stay indoors for the next few days. The streets are sure to be flooded within a few hours.

You sigh, then turn around to look over at Toma. He is staring at you intensely. "What?" you ask.

He shakes his head. "I must've seemed a bit crazy bringing you here like this. I'm sorry if it was so sudden."

"I don't mind," you tell him honestly. "I'm just glad to have been rescued." Toma gives you another smile, but it seems strange as he won't meet your eyes.

…. ….

Later that night, you're lying in his bed while he's sprawled on the floor. You feel a bit uneasy, which is odd. You and Toma and Shin all used to have lots of sleepovers as kids, so this shouldn't feel weird, right? Or maybe it should because you're both adults now with…primal urges.

You drown your ears in your pillow; now is not the time to be thinking of this. These are not appropriate thoughts while you're in a boy's-no, a _man's _bed.

The sound of someone moving reaches your ears through the feathers. You flip over to see Toma getting up and wandering to his kitchen bar, only a few feet away from the bed. He seems distracted as he rubs the back of his yellow head. You sit up and watch him for a bit as he grabs himself a drink from the fridge. He doesn't leave it open too long, so as to retain what cold he can until the power returns. He's wearing some loose sweats and his striped shirt that clings to his muscles. You hadn't thought too much of it before, but he was rather toned despite his scrawny countenance.

He turns back around with a drink in his hand and stares at you for a few moments, blinking. He can't seem to tell if you're awake, or if he's just imagining you sitting up in his bed.

"Hey," you barely whisper. You can barely hear your own voice over the storm, but Toma seems to catch your words just fine.

"I keep forgetting that you're really here," he tells you. He comes back towards the bed, standing at the edge of it and drinking whatever soda he's got in his hand (it's too dark to see the label clearly).

"Yeah, strange huh?" Silence passes between you, sucking in the sounds of the pouring rain like a small black hole. Toma is trying not to stare at you, but something seems to be on his mind. You sit up more and wrap your arms around your knees. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah…" The answer is absent, like the word didn't even come from his chest, but some foreign robot that automated simple replies. You watch him until his gaze falls upon you, then it turns away again. You don't know what to say to him after that.

The pink cell beside you vibrates. It startles you both. You pick it up and see a familiar number flash across the 18% batter life screen.

"Kento," you tell Toma. He nods, his body seeming a bit tight. The message blinks obnoxiously at you in the dark:

_Are you alright? You're not alone, are you? _

You send a quick reply letting Kento know you're safe with Toma and wish him luck through riding out the storm. It occurs to you that you're in the room where your secret love stands. You almost dare to text Kento for advice, but your depleting battery makes you nervous. You decide to take the reigns on your own.

Toma cusses across from you; it looks like he's spilled on his shirt. You hop out of the covers and head over to help him. You can feel the shadowy stain and attempt to wash it out with your sleeve.

"Don't!" Toma tries to warn you. "It's Fruit Punch. The red will never wash out of your clothes." Too little too late. You sigh at the dark mark on your sleeve.

"We should try to wash your shirt," you tell Toma, ignoring your own fabric's fatality. "The sink water should work ok." He seems hesitant at first, but Toma slips off his shirt and gives it to you. Your eyes try not to wander to the boy's perfect chest as you hurry to the kitchen. After soaking the fabric a bit, you return to Toma's (distracting) side. "That's going to have to do until the washer works again."

"Thanks." Toma stares down at you now, watching your face carefully. He can apparently sense that you're trying not to look too closely at his firm pecs or abs…or anything else on him. He gives a sad chuckle, glancing at the window. "You know, if you don't stop looking at me like that, I won't be able to hold back anymore." You glance up into his face.

"What?" You ask, surprised. What does he mean by that? Toma returns his eyes to you and bites his lip.

"You really shouldn't be standing so close. I can feel the warmth radiating off of you."

You know what he means, but can't seem to make your muscles obey. He's warm, too-unimaginably, invitingly warm. It's taking everything you have to not step into his hold.

Toma sighs again. "I mean it." No changes from either of you. "You're not making this easy." His arms reach out for you and bring you close. His hands are massive as they tighten on your shoulders. You can feel his breath on you and, as a flash of lightening briefly clarifies the shape of everything in the room, you catch sight of something deep and dangerous in Toma's expression.

"Pretend I'm the bad guy," he begs, "and run away. Get away from me while you can."

You still can't move. What's he talking about?

Toma's sigh becomes heavier, more defeated. "I'm not that nice, _. You should know that by now…. And yet, you won't do as I ask. Please, get away from me, before I do something that we'll both regret."

Your body seems to know what's coming, but your mind is completely at a loss. What does he mean? What are his intentions?

Toma's lips quiver a moment in another flash of lightening as he pushes your back onto the bed. It's absolutely shocking; he's always been so calm and level-headed, but he doesn't seem to be in his right mind at this moment. He leans down to your neck, his mouth tickling it in a way that your innocent skin had never known before.

"I told you to get away," he mutters, almost livid. He raises his head-just a bit-to see your face. Lightening strikes and you can see frustration and pain in his expression. "You have no idea how you look right now, how you smell, how your skin feels under my hands…you don't know how long or how much I've wanted this."

You flinch a bit as his teeth nip at your shoulder.

"Wh-wha?" Your voice squeaks meekly as his nose carries on to caress your jaw.

"I told you to pretend I'm the bad guy-because that's what I _am_. You shouldn't have come with me to my _room_, you should've slammed the door in my face when you first saw me. But now, you've given me the perfect excuse to lure you into my trap." You can't see his face this time as another bolt glimpses the room. You start to feel a bit scared; what is Toma trying to do? This isn't like him…yet the sadness in his voice as he practically threatens you is something you've heard before. It's the tone of a martyr, of a man desperate to save the world from himself.

Is he trying to convince you to stay away from him, in some sort of creepy-protective way? Or is he truly unable to stop himself from giving into deep and secret desires that he's been repressing for some time now? In this situation, you're not sure which it is…

His lips have reached your ears and his breathing is tickling the inside with a pain that's torturous and a bit pleasurable all at the same time. Toma's weight is pressing down on your body as he hovers over you for a few moments too long for your sanity. You aren't sure what to do, but this is not-

"Toma." Your weak voice reaches him and he leans away from your lobe to peer into your face. You don't even know what he looks like as lightening flashes once again; you're too busy picturing how pathetic and desperate _you _must look to him. "Please stop. I love you, but th-this isn't the way I want it to happen. Not like this…" You gesture to his domineering form with a bob of your head, since he still has your shoulders and arms pinned beneath him. He seems surprised and doesn't even budge a bit for a few minutes. If feels too long, especially since you can't entirely see what kind of emotions are in his burning gaze.

He lets out a single laugh that's void of humor and instead piled with perhaps relief? Or maybe realization is the better word for it? He removes himself from you and sits on the edge of the bed. You sit up slowly, cautiously, so as not to stir whatever had overcome his body.

"I'm sorry," he mutters so softly and slowly. "I didn't mean to startle you-not like that, I mean…" He rubs his head awkwardly. You try to decide if you want to leave now and brave the storm-this night has been too much for your poor heart and adrenaline. But you instead keep a close eye on Toma's sighing shoulders.

"It's…ok, I think," you reply at last. "I think that, in your heart, you just wanted to protect me." He's always been that way. He'll be willing to do _anything_to keep the ones he loves safe from any danger.

"I wanted to protect you from my own obsessions," he insists. "I wanted you to understand that being so near and…irresistible to me isn't a good thing. But it seems that this didn't turn out as I'd planned…" He laughs emptily again. "I didn't expect a _confession_ of all things." You seat yourself beside him-not too close, so as not to upset him, but close enough that your lean would surely display the care you held inside.

"It's true, though. I've been wanting to tell you for so long now, but…I'm in love with you, Toma. I have been ever since we were kids." Toma gives no indication that he's heard you for some time, but eventually chuckles again. This time, it's relaxed.

"I've always felt the same for you, too, _. But, I never thought that you'd actually…."

You reach out to touch his arm. You can feel his smile in the darkness and he places his palm on your fingers. He's warm and gentle now, careful to treat you with the utmost respect. You don't need to say anything more to each other.

Toma curls up to you that night as you do your best to help him fit in the twin-sized bed. Even with what'd almost happened, you know that Toma wouldn't be trying anything more. He's calmed down and promised that he can hold back all further desires until you're ready to receive them. At the moment, your content with him holding your hand while you both fall asleep in the looming, yet calming darkness.

... ...

Hey guys! I think this is my very first one-shot for FF. If you're interested, you can find more stories like this on my dA page, .

Regardless, when I watched this anime, I admittedly was a little disturbed by Toma. Not for the same reasons as in my story (and if you want to know exactly what I mean, then watch the anime), but his portion of the story still didn't totally sit right with me-even if it turned out kinda sweet in the end.

Anyhow, this was actually a kind of reenactment of a dream I had last night (because I'm obsessed like that) and I really wanted to capture the strange feeling of obsession that Toma brought into my dream. I wanted to show Toma as how I see him; an inwardly sweet guy who has a really weird way of showing how he cares.


End file.
